4. Caring for difficult women...

Okay, so you got her home alive, now what?

And I'm not talking about all the instructions that you've likely already forgotten,  There are people to call and handouts to consult for that shit. I mean, how do you deal with someone who's used to getting up at six, teaching four fitness classes, then rushing home for an audition, going for a hike, then meeting friends for some wine or other adult beverages. (Or whatever your wife/girlfriend does, which is obviously much more than I do.... anyways...)

First off, at a certain point, she will say she's fine and wants to go out and see a movie or get food and and and... Do not fall for it. She will fade at a moment's notice. And it is not her fault. I'm not sure of the medical terminology for it, but there will be surges of energy followed by a moment of collapse that makes you wonder if someone has unplugged the poor girl.  

Roll with it. Any attempt to impose order is foolish. You do not know a thing, as it is not your body that has been carved up like an Xmas ham.

She's gonna seem normal for a moment and you'll think "Hey, we're all good."  You are not all good. You are just getting started.  

Secondly, figure out what drugs go where.  They give you daily dosages, so space some shit out, dummy. I would say backload the muscle relaxants toward the end of day, as they will put anyone on their asses. Oxy is weird, and the sooner the patient can get away from it the better. Now that said, pain is pain. Pain is the enemy so knock that sucker down as hard as you need to. But there are side effects, like puking and never pooping for days at a time despite the laxatives they give you, so be warned. 

Make a chart. It's easy and it'll make you feel like you did something.

Finally, learn to listen.  Some noises are just noises. If you ask her every time she grunts "what's wrong?", she will eventually kill you in your sleep. There are exertion noises and pain noises... learn what the latter is, or are, and jump in then.  Trust me, she's way better at pain management than you could ever be (yeah, period stuff, I rest my case) so know when you are required and stand down the rest of the time. 

You want to feel needed.  I get it. But better to be useful.